Why I didn't do shit since March!

Well I haven't done anything hobbywise in ages is a mixture of apathy and an attempt to prolong my life with exercise. This is taking the form of cycling a bit. now don't get me wrong, I'm not Mr 2hours exercise a day or anything like that, I'm just trying to offset the amount I stick in one hole by burning calories up so less comes out the other.

My lovely new Odometer

My lovely old bike.

So the plan is to try to live longer and better which should in turn mean I can finish painting up all my armies! See! There was a relevance to my gaming blog. Currently the odometer is on 54km so it will be interesting how many more I can put on by the end of the summer. Wish me luck!

Painting up Sacrificial Lambs

I've just finished painting up five Wood Elf archers. They are from an era long before Glade Guard, they are Marauder archers with plenty of character (I think so anyway). they were one of my long term half painted figures that always had enough paint on them to play with but not enough for them to look nice. So anyway, I have painted them up and now feel a wee bit sad as all the internet experts all say a unit of five scouts are there to be an annoyance to your enemy shortly before they are exterminated! This rankles a bit with me, not because I cherish every single model I paint, and definately not because I play in a protective style (indeed my Skaven army is used as a Kitcheneresque WWI attritional type of warfare). No the problem for me here is the ethos of the army, I simply can't see such a small population of elves glibly sacrificing themselves for the temporary gain of holding up a unit of bloodthirsty beastmen for a turn when they are so few. So what I intend to do with these guys is to use them in an aggressive forward manner but not with the intention of losing them in my opponents first magic phase. Of course how I achieve this is not yet worked out...

Suicide Squad?

Paintwise they came out ok, I sculpted a spite on the central archer who i will be using as a Lord's Bowman more often than not, I suppose in a vain attempt to provide an extra reason to keep them alive I may well throw a mage in the unit for mutual protection.

I also managed to get rid of some figures and CDs on ebay that amounted to €1.45 more than the price of Storm Of Magic, which basically means that my ebay wealth stayed in the Paypal account for approximately 45 minutes. Ah well, easy come, easy go!

Defeated by Saint Patrick!

Well due to a clerical error, Saint Patrick's day and the ensuing alcahol prevented me from playing a game of warhammer last weekend. All I did do was nearly finish my 5 Wood Elf Scouts, I say nearly but as I half made a woodland spite on the base of my would be champion he has probably got another week of work on him.My other significant hobby related acts were to sculpt a pair of balls on Red Maw the Chaos Hound and submerge my Sludge Jellies in Wooden Floor Varnish. Oh yeah, I downloaded Battle Chronicler to make super snazzy battle reports. By the way floor varnish is not a good idea, it eats milliput a bit!
No more Guiness for me until I make a dent in my painting list.

Preview of Wood Elves Vs Lizardmen at the weekend.

This Saturday me and Boy! are going to have another game of Warhammer. My wood Elves vs Lizardmen. I'm using (obviously) the old Wood Elf army book as there hasn't been a new one since 2005! The Lizardman army book is from 2003 so I'm not sure how under/over pointed it may be so to err on the safe side, Boy! is fielding 2750 points Vs my 2500. As this is his first attempt at writing an army list too I thought it might be fun to have uneven forces.
 After looking at the Lizardman book I'm not so sure it will be any fun as Scar Veterans are nasty, as are quite a lot of the army. As far as I can tell he will be using two blocks of 30 Saurus each, 20 Temple Guard and the rest made up of shooty Skinks and Salamanders.
 For me I will run will a fairly Glade Guardish force with 2 units of both Wardancers and Dryads. A Treeman, some Glade Riders and a hero on a Great Eagle. I'm trying to fit a second mage in the army as I know there is a Skink Priest in the list who will be used to cast spells through. I'm thinking of taking a Spellsinger with Calingor's Stave and hope to use the woods as a battering ram!
So I've got to go up into my Man Cave/attic and make sure all the Lizardmen are ready for some arras up their jacksies!

Super Viper Assasination Squad and Clan Pusfoot Sanitation Dept.

Well I've done a bit more painting and would like to share my efforts. As I wasn't very impressed with last years painting total, I thought that to knock out a few figures from my nearly finished but can't quite work up enough enthusiasm pile, would be the way to go. So firstly my Super Viper Assasination Squad:

Super Viper Assasination Squad

Head Murderer Solam Stabb

This is an old Citadel assasin from the late 80's, a real Old School miniature. I painted him black, high lighted grey (not gray) black ink washed him and repeated the process. As with a lot of my photogaphy, it looks better in the flesh. He was on my prepped but not ready for painting pile/table/area for at least 10 years if not more. Now he's finished I can use him as an Eversor™ or even a non Imperium affiliated freelance buttonman.

The rest of the squad

The four remaining members are Black Tree Design sci fi figures that are no longer available, so that makes them priceless! The paint job was the same principle and are just intended to be a bit of added muscle for Stabb, although I think they will double up nicely as law enforcerment officers on various Imperial planets. I have another 4 or 5 of them including a heavy stubber type weapon so the whole unit could be fielded in some interesting hit type scenarios.

Necromundan Icrotic Slime

Icrotic Slime

Two simple to make Death World Gribblies next: Icrotic Slime for Necromunda and beyond! They encyst on your head filling you with euphoria making you a semi superhero until the timely help of a buddy chisels it off or your brain becomes a larder for millions of the little buggers. Making them was a joyfully easy affair. Two blobs of green stuff on a base painted green. Simples!

 Clan Pusfoot Sanitation Dept.

Clan Pusfoot is the name of my skaven warlord clan that I use when I'm using the big wormy tailed feckers. I always imagined them to be in a fairly large lair somewhere in the badlands but with good infrastructure so a quick commute to the Empire wasn't out of the question. Access to the Chaos Wastes was also a vital as was a big Clan Skyre teleportation device that got them to the South Lands pretty damn smartly as well. Access to Athel Loren a bonus. Empire, Chaos, Lizardmen and Wood Elves were (and probably still will be) their main antagonists so equidistant  from each of those realms is where they have dug their warren.

Skik Mishik Maize Stirrer

This is a Skavenslave spearrat that has received some modification. Instead of being armed with something useful, the Slave Overseer decided to give him a large bronze maize stirrer to defend himself with in battle, just one more indication that he isn't required to survive the battle.

Gurk Jizzik Tunnel Maker

Another converted Skavenslave, this time with a pick for digging tunnels and splitting unarmoured skulls. unfortunately I made the top of the pick too big but I am very pleased the way the pet rat came out.

Snikket the Hedge Cutter

This slave has been given a slashhook for trimming hedges and beating the Bejasus out of other lightly armed troops.

Gypsy the Rat

The rather large base on this model was made simply because I had a lump of DAS modelling clay and no other idea about what to do with it. The pinkish blob of something on the base is meant to be a rag but I suppose it could be flesh either. Your choice.

Whats in the Figure Case?

A new (and possibly very shortlived) feature I'm starting is; Whats in the figure case?
I'll take a pic of my figure cases with stuff I intend to paint and hopefully this will help motivize me into painting the bloody stuff!

Figure Case #1

In figure case #1 we have:
Telekinetic Wyrd
5 Attilan Roughriders
2 Orlock Juves
4 Mutants
Chaos beastmaster (converted)
Nurgle Sorceror
Eldar swooping Hawk Exarch
Astropath
Genestealer Hybrid
Beastmaster Wyrd
2 Ice Warriors of Valhalla
Catachan Luitenant

Figure Case #2

In figure case #2 we have;
The Skaven Screaming Bell
Ratling Machine Gun
3 Jezzails
Deathmaster Snikch
Skaven Assasin
5 Wood Elf Archers
Necromancer
Gotrek & Felix
Mutant
Glam the Laughing Elf
Wood Elf Hero
4 Dwarf Ne'er Do Wells
Norse Warrior Woman 

The varied collection of figures just emphasise my goldfish type attention span shows how none of my armies ever get finished. As you can see there are quite a lot of figures in there and if I can get all of these finished this year I will be delighted with myself! What is unfortunately more likely is I'll prep a load more miniatures and start them instead!

Suckling once more on the dark tit of Games Workshop!

Well its finally happened to me again! I just ordered the latest warhammer rulebook (8th Ed). I've been painting a lot and reading a lot of Bat Reps, tactics and army lists, and just generally tormenting myself with a rules I don't understand so I just buckled and went to GW online and spent €60,€45 of it from paypal. I am pointing the blame at the Catholic Church and their Lentan denialfest that has me off Alcahol and Chocolate for the next 34ish days! Were I fully beered and chocolated up my resistance to a €60 book that I have 3 previous editions of, would have maintained at a healthy 'No, sorry love, I'm married' level. I'm sure I'll get the book by Mon-Tues next week and then I'll know what the whole fuss is about!

The Seven Realms of Ni' Ghiollarnath

Some of the greatest games you can play are campaigns, a campaign is simply a linked series of battles where you play the leader and make the decisions for it. A bit like a film or a soap opera in which you are starring. Sometime around 1995 I started to run a fantasy campaign. There were seven players and a controller (me). It started as a Mighty Empires game, but soon I devised so many new rules and changed existing ones that it soon became my own baby. The game lasted for about eight (game) years over many months. As is commonly the case with such things people couldn't maintain their enthusiasm and the game sort of petered out. I enjoyed running it so much that I vowed that it would rise again! As I spent so much time creating the game I thought I would put it "out there" to see what kind of reaction I would get. The seven players controlled the following factions: humans, barbarians, orcs, dwarfs, wood elves, dark elves and demon worshippers. These races battled for supremacy in the world I created and shaped the world. I think this project will take a considerable length of time to transfer from scribblings on scrap paper to a coherrent game so your patience is requested. So here we are, the Seven Realms of Ni' Ghiollarnath, a campaign setting. 

Daxia

Daxia is the largest and most prosperous realm. The population is predominantly human. Vast plains and a long coast make food plentiful. Daxia is actually made up of nine provinces that make up this realm, they are Blarse, Daxia, Krieglund, Labomartii, Longshore, Reachveldt, Trabaagh, Theldeg, and Yengar. Each realm is semi autonimous and provides troops and weapons for the defense of the realm. Also on the borders of Daxia are several independant city states that are so well defended or innaccessible that it is not worth the huge cost to subdue. Daxia maintains on friendly terms with the dwarfs to the east. An uneasy truce is kept between Grikai (northeast) and Shendul Pacre (north). Border skirmishes and raids are a constant threat from the Cren Lar to the east.

Shendul Pacre

Shendul Pacre is the second largest realm and arguably the most agressive. Large tracts of forest are the home of the elves that live there, while fertile plains make great breeding grounds for the mighty herds of elven steeds. Many of the deep forests contain vast wealth in the form of Geasawood, a tree that is startlingly easy to enchant, making it much sought after by all the races of Ni Ghiollarnath. To the west lies the Vale of the Lost Ones, a rather unpleasant neighbour. To the southwest is Cren Lar and sporadic fighting is the norm across it's borders. Because of the exhausting war against the barbarian invaders to the north and west the once enormous armies of Shendul Pacre are greatly diminished. Only to the south is there relative peace.

Cren Lar: The Bleak Coast

The furthest west of all the realms, Cren Lar is an elven land that is the main naval rival to Daxia. Many years ago there was only one elf realm but two elven princes Kephoire and Thesalmin could not co-exist peacefully in Shendul Pacre, so Thesalmin ventured east with his followers and founded Cren Lar. Thesalmin was resentful of his older brother and this resentment turned to hate. On many occasions the two nations have been at war and now so much blood has been spilt that reconciliation is now impossible. An alliance with the people of the Vale of the Lost Ones allows the elves of Cren Lar to devote their time to the destruction of both Daxia and Shendul Pacre to the east. Unfortunately for the elves of Cren Lar, their long coast is quite often raided by pirates, fishmen and barbarian freebooters from the north. On the borders of Cren Lar and Daxia is the city state of Therncote, a place of legend. In the times of nation founding Therncote was invaded by the elves of the west and the humans of the east so many times that it was said the elders of Therncote had revolving banners depending on whose army was the nearest. Now free, the city boasts a large population of half elves and a steely determination to never again feel the tyranny of oppression.

Prahklamsuia: The Vale of the Lost Ones

Up in the far northwest lies a small realm of semi-humans. They live in a few coastal cities that are almost constantly raided by the elves of Shendul Pacre. There is a strict cast system in Prahklamsuia. Demonborn, Demonkith, Demoncursed and Speakers. Magic use is commonplace in the higher caste - Demonborn and the bulk of the military is made up of Demonkith. Demoncursed are little more than slaves, while the Speakers are religious fanatics. They lanch raids via they sea to enslave Daxians and occasionally attack the elves of Shendul Pacre. The alliance with the elves to the south pose a very real threat to their eastern neighbours.

Crag Targ: The Realm of the Tribes

Not a nation as such, the Tealm of the Tribes is a loose alliance of barbarian tribesmen. They are human but tend to be much larger than those of Daxia, the menfolk are regularly over 6 and a half feet, and the women generally are the height of an average southerner. They also tend to be far more muscular and resilient. A common rite of manhood is a sucessful cattle raid into either Krieglund (the northernmost province of Daxia) or Grikai. The tribesmen's culture is based on plunder and as a result inter clan skirmishing is commonplace. To the southeast lie a long chain of mountains that act as a barrier between Crag Targ and Grikai, with only a few passes, the most notable is called "The Gouge". To the southwest is the border of Shendul Pacre and the river Tannog leads through the plain of Aurochs into Krieglund. Long ago a bloody war between the barbarians and elves denoted both nations boundaries, but now as the tribes seek more plunder hostilities have restarted.

Grikai

Thousands of years ago an invading horde of orcs from the east enslaved the once pleasant land of Noromere and the humans that resided there. Centuries of interbreeding has heralded the birth of a new race the Grikaan, or half-orcs. Called mixbloods by many, the half orcs are surly and unfriendly, they have a particular hatred of purebred orcs and spend a great deal of time and effort trying to eradicate them. Despite their efforts many tribes of orcs live in the mountains to the north, and regularly raid southwards. Their society is ruled by those of near-human blood and to this end many slave raids are sent east to Daxia to obtain blood brides. To the south lies the Ironlands which is home to the dwarfs and the Grikaan's bitterest foe.

Ranknarthod: The Iron Lands

Not so much an empire but more an interlinked series of fortress cities, that lie in a large highland area, close to the sea. Each city fortress delves deep underground and therefore house far more dwarfs than would first appear. These Dwarf's have an uncontrollable lust for gold and a hatred of all things orclike and as such are constantly at war with Grikai to the north. They are staunch allies of Daxia and both realms prosper due to mutual trade and defense. The only other hazards are from long range raids from Cren Lar, but these are usually fended off with relatively small losses.

Something for the weekend?

As I'm in a bit of a Warhammer mood I have to share these: Forge World - SKAVEN WOLF RATS . I like them a lot, well more than a lot. A bit pricey at £32, so I'll proxy them for now with some old goblin wolf riders that I will have to prise off their backs! the rules are pretty cool and at 16 points each with 2 wounds and a move of 8" they look like the sort of thing I won't be able to resist for long!

Nasty looking buggers!

If that isn't bad enough the Brood Horror is even more erotic! This thing is far too good a figure for me to cock up painting, especially with a £42 price tag. Still if I lay enough hints around fathers day I might get lucky. Here's hoping anyway.

Here is my most successful gang, the Bushwakkers. They got to be very powerful but I never had a 'retirement game' for them, so it is entirely possible that I may take them out for a massive tear up in the future.

The Bushwakkers

The Bushwakkers are an Orlock gang that were outlawed and despite the loss of income thrived. Their arch rivals were a Van Saar gang called The Psi Judges, they were the ones to get them outlawed, and this act caused a long feud which exists today. One of the main reasons for The bushwakkers success is they are an incredibly 'shooty' gang,with many members able to pick off enemy fighters in the most difficult conditions. The other reason is they once looted an archeotech hoard belonging to the Van Saars. This led to some rather extravagant purchases, an autocannon and a heavy bolter and two heavies to carry them. I think they would be best used now as 'bogeymen' as they are perfectly capable of taking on large gangs and reducing them to small ones in a few turns. Anyway here they are.........

F.O.C.

F.O.C. joined the gang as a juve whilst they were still "legal" and has risen in the ranks to become the gang leader. He is quite inexperinced for a leader but is a fearsome shot with his trusty plasma gun. F.O.C. has no intention of buying off their guild price as he is having too much sucess as an outlaw. He may well change his mind if things go sour.

F.O.C.

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	2	6	3	3	2	3	1	9

Skills: Dive.
Injuries: None.
Equipment: Plasma Gun with Infra Red Sight, Choke Grenades and a Respirator, Knife.
Cost:170 Exp:109

 

 

G.W. Monkfist

G.W. Monkfist is the most experienced member of the gang, and in all probability the deadliest. As deadly a shot as F.O.C. and the best hand to hand fighter, Monkfist is one of the most dangerous outlaws in the badzones. Armed to the teeth, it's a lucky fighter that encounters him and comes out unscathed.

G.W. Monkfist

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	5	6	4	4	2	3	2	7

Skills: Crack Shot, Fast Shot, Killer Reputation, Nerves Of Steel.
Injuries: Head Wound.
Equipment: Lasgun with Hotshot Power Pack, Plasma Grenades, Choke Grenades and a Respirator, Knife.
Cost: 145 Exp: 285.

 

 

Jerome Gratis

Jerome joined the gang around the same time as F.O.C. and they are great drinking buddies. Another fine shot, Jerome is often seen sniping alongside Monkfist. He has seen plenty of death and has recently been getting a lot of trouble from an old wound that incapacitates him regularly.

Jerome Gratis

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	3	5	3	3	2	5	1	6

Skills: Catfall, Fastshot.
Injuries: Old battle Wound.
Equipment: Lasgun, Plasma Pistol, Knife.
Cost: 90 Exp: 98.

 

 

Limpy The Loser

Poor old Limpy has a bullet in his leg that causes him constant pain which makes him surly and arguementative. He is called the Loser as he is a terrible gambler. He was, until recently the nearest thing to a heavy in the gang due to his expertise in maintaining his weapons. Both resilient and a great shot, Limpy has found his place in the gang, near the back letting those less sensible to fight the other gangers.

Limpy The Loser

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
3	4	5	3	3	2	3	1	6

Skills: Feint, Rapid Fire- Lasgun, Step Aside, Weaponsmith.
Injuries: Leg Wound (left).
Equipment: Lasgun, Stub Gun, Knife.
Cost: 60 Exp: 132.

 

 

Hagar Snipe

Snipe is another ganger who started as juve and worked his way up the pecking order. Another incredible marksman, he has been known to shoot the cap off of a bottle of wildsnake from 70 metres. He is the only gang member with some medical expertise, and due to the nature of the Bushwakkers, he is seldom idle. Hagar is an incredibly versatile ganger and his impressive skills are a testament to that. All in all Hagar Snipe is the ideal ganger, capable of most tasks his leader sets him.

Hagar Snipe

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	3	6	4	3	2	3	1	6

Skills: Hipshooting, Killer Rep, Marksman, Medic, Nerves Of Steel, Rapid Fire-Shotgun, Step Aside, True Grit.
Injuries: Horrible Scars.
Equipment: Shotgun with Hotshot, Manstopper and Bolt Ammo, Knife.
Cost: 85 Exp: 233.

 

"Death Or Glory" Roari

Roari is one of the original members of the Bushwakkers, and a bit of a close combat specialist. Partly because is his skilled in the application of physical violence and partly because he is blind in one eye Roari is just better suited to slugging it out with other angry young men. He is ambidexterous and has been carrying around a pair of old stub guns since he started out and seems loath to exchange them for something more accurate. Until he does, he seems doomed to end up fighting hand to hand with enemy gangers until he meets a superior fighter.

"Death Or Glory" Roari

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	4	2	4	4	2	5	1	8

Skills: Counterattack, Crack Shot, Gunfighter, Parry.
Injuries: Blind in Right Eye.
Equipment: 2x Stub Guns with Dum Dum Ammo and a Silencer, Knife.
Cost: 90 Exp: 201.

 

Zeno

Zeno is a new recruit for the ganger with some fancy weaponry. He was hired as back up for Roari with the hope that he will pick up a few tricks from the master.

Zeno

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	3	3	3	3	1	3	1	7

Skills: None.
Injuries: None.
Equipment: Bolt Pistol, Knife and Sword.
Cost: 80 Exp: 21.

 

"Big" Brett Corleone

"Big" Brett is a dependable gang fighter who is gradually becoming a very dangerous fighter. Armed with his trusty shotgun he is often found to the forefront of most gang fights, where enemy gangers soon find out he is a very capable scrapper. He can be a bit twitchy but he is still useful to have in the wastes.

Big Brett Corleone

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	4	3	3	3	1	3	2	7

Skills: Parry, Rapid Fire - Shotgun.
Injuries: Shellshock.
Equipment: Shotgun With Manstopper Rounds, Stub Gun, Knife.
Cost: 60 Exp:66.

 

Jertzy Bollofsky

Another long term ganger, Jertzy has the scars to prove it! Armed with a pair of battered laspistols Jertzy is one of the gangs point men. That is when is old battle wound allows it of course.

Jertsy Bollofsky 

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	4	3	3	3	1	3	1	7

Skills: Counter Attack, Rapid Fire- Laspistol, Step Aside.
Injuries: Impressive Scars, Old Battle Wound.
Equipment: 2x Laspistols, Knife.
Cost: 77 Exp: 42.

 

Gumby The Mass

Gumby was a heavy without a heavy weapon when he joined the 'wakkers. With impeccable timing, he was one gang fight in when they looted an archeotech hoard. Subsequently a shiny new heavy bolter was procured and now Gumby wants nothing more than to put it to use!

Gumby The Mass

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	3	3	3	3	1	3	1	7

Skills: None.
Injuries: None.
Equipment: Heavy Bolter, Shotgun, Knife.
Cost: 260 Exp: 70.

 

Body Bag

Body Bag is a juve with a lot to prove, he joined at the same time as Gumby, but without the reputation, hence the poor weaponry. His name is a joke based on the survival rate of previous juves, but he is hoping that will be more to do with the casualties he will inflict.
Time will tell.....

Body Bag

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	2	2	4	3	1	3	1	6

Skills: None.
Injuries: None.
Equipment: Stub Gun, Knife.
Cost: 35 Exp: 6.

 

Bad Gary

Gary joined the gang as the second heavy and has yet to establish himself. Armed with a massive autocannon, he should soon be racking up the casualties.

Bad Gary

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	3	3	3	3	1	3	1	7

Skills: None
Injuries: None.
Equipment: Autocannon, Laspistol, Knife.
Cost: 375 Exp: 61.

 

Victim

Victim is the latest recruit to the gang and his name is another cruel joke. He is yet to fight for the gang and when he does he is expecting to hurl himself bravely to the fore. The unfortunate thing is, he may not be around for long if he does.

Victim

M	WS	BS	S	T	W	I	A	LD
4	2	2	3	3	1	3	1	6

Skills: None.
Injuries: None.
Equipment: Stub Gun, Knife.
Cost: 35 Exp: 0.

 

Territories

The Bushwakkers have only one territory, a settlement called Sheet Creek, which they guard jealously. They also have a slaught dealer called Jakks, who gives them some extra go for their juves!

Stash

The stash contains 275 crdits, a flamer and 3 doses of slaught.

Guild Price

The 'wakkers guild price is currently 331 credits, but F.O.C. has vowed to get it to a thousand!

Gang rating

The gang's rating is currently a very healthy 2794. As you can see the Bushwakkers are a very powerful gang with plenty of disposable cash to improve further. I think the next thing for them to do is take out an Enforcers Precinct House or make a break for it off world. Whatever they do do, I'm sure it'll be with a bang!

Tales from the Battlefield

After my last game or Warhammer and the resulting collection of school boy errors, stupid tactical moves and sheer crap luck I started thinking back over the years to some of the other things I (and my opponent) have done and I just felt the urge to share them. I will describe them in reverse order of importance/ridiculousness and what if any lessons were learned from them.

Suicide Warlord and The Heart of Woe
40K The Genestealer Marathon
4000 Points on a 4 x 4 table
Cataclysmic Screaming Bell Meltdown
Tyrion's Get Out of Jail Free Card
Verminlord the Happy Woodcutter

Suicide Warlord and the Heart of Woe
I was in Games Workshop Thurrock and the Skaven army list had just come out during Warhammer's Second incarnation Circa 1993. I was using my beloved Skaven and I was playing undead. My thoughts on undead were: kill the general, they all die. This was mostly true, if the general of the army did die then most units crumble to dust. So I devised a fairly cunning plan, get my warlord into combat with his general chop him up, but to be on the safe side give him the heart of woe (basically a suicide bomber) and if the general kills my warlord the resulting explosion will take out the aforementioned Vampire/Liche/Necromancer. My opponent, Lord Farquad (name changed) unfortunately was also aware of this weakness in the undead army and was prepared for it. I Skitterleaped my Warlord general into close combat with Nagash (stupid) and unfortunately back then both sides could cast spells in the same magic phase, equally unfortunately Nagash proceeded to chop my warlord to bits with his big bloody sword killing him with the aid of Vanhel's Dance Macabre! Even more unfortunate was the fact that Nagash made his ward save with the Golden Helm of Atrazar, and half my army legged it with the death of the general. The resulting battle was a terrible massacre where the forces of Undeath laid some serious bitchslap to my furry hordes.
Two lessons were learned there
1) A suicide bomber only works if it is a low value stooge and 2) Against undead skaven need the highest possible leadership!

40K The Genestealer Marathon
Another game from the dawn of time was a game of 40K (Rogue Trader rules) that I played in Games Workshop Maidstone. I was using a Tyranid army against Space Marines (I'm sure this game helped contribute to my eternal hatred of Space Marines). My opponent kept hassling me about what army I was going to use and as the shop had a decent Tyranid force (and I was working there) I decided I'd use them. This unfortunately had a rather spooking effect on General Grevious (name changed) who scuttled off to create an uber anti creepy crawly army list. On the day of the battle General Grevious begged me to play on a 8' x 4' table lengthways (!!!!!). Partly because of my view that a happy customer spends more dosh and of my hugely inflated opinion of my own generalship like a fool I agreed. The resulting turkey shoot was a joy to behold (for him) and a series of unmittigated disasters (for me). Trudging up 6 feet of table with not enough cover and missiles raining down of my brave critters was a humbling experience! One particular moment of ecstasy came when two full tactical squads of Marines threw Haywire grenades in front of them halving charge moves just as I was going to start ripping up the fleshbags! Needless to say this was as one-sided a game as is possible and it was all my own fault! Had we played the proper way I at least would have put up a fight! If Hive Fleet Behemoth had behaved like this then the Tyranid threat would've been over before it could even get started. On a positive note I played a game against Eldar using virtually the same army but the way nature intended and got a resounding win.
Lesson learned: Under NO circumstances will I ever play a game along the length of the table. EVER!

 4000 Points on a 4 x 4 table
Another game of Warhammer, this time it was almost the opposite of the last one. I had a 4000 point game on a 4' by 4' table. This was my valient Skaven against sly, sneaky and altogether tricksy Dwarfs! They don't fight fair at all! The main problem with this battle was the table size (again) but the opposite from the above nightmare, this time the table was too small and my army too big! Back in the old days the Dwarf army had this nasty little thing called the Rune of Being a Sneaky Fecker (or Hiding). This was put on a gyrocopter and in turn 2 it appeared and started parboiling units of Clanrats. With two Runes of Broiling (or something) the strength of the steam cannon was up to 5 so basically every shot defurred 12+ rats causing mucho panic. Plus the fact that Flame cannons started opening up on turn two gleefully barbecuing Plague monks and Stormvermin at will my terribly brave army decided that RUN AWAY! was the order given, so they did in droves. The game was another very one sided battle compounded by the Dwarf player's unwillingness to let me cast unpleasant spells on him. Using my now legendary hindsight the battle was lost as I had big blocks of infantry that simply couldn't help but get in each others way, coupled with loads of template weapons and some pretty accurate Dwarf crossbowing my ranks were well and truly thinned before I could lay some smackdown on his beardthings. 4000 points pretty much meant that my entire deployment zone was full and the only thing to halt the cannonballs, flames, superheated steam and crossbow bolts were my poor little verminous bodies.
Lesson learned: There is a finite limit to the number of figures that can safely huddle in a deployment zone and over 100 points an inch is stupidity!

 Cataclysmic Screaming Bell Meltdown
This episode was, once again featuring my ever present Skaven, and it was against a good friend and long time opponent Matt. He was playing his Empire army (I reckon we must have played 25+ games of Skaven vs Empire) and it was its usual bloody hackfest. we were at the latter stages of the game and my main Clanrat unit with the Screaming Bell was in the centre of the table with a large unit of Skavenslaves and Stormvermin flanking them. There were Matt's prized Knights Panther unit and various smaller units of Empire footsloggers lurking around. I rang the screaming Bell and it exploded causing a ST3 hit with no armour save to everything within 3d6 inches. 73 casulties were caused which decimated the Knights and quite a lot of Skaven too. I can't say this was a particularly bad occurance as to my mind the 8-9 Knights were, in the eyes of Skaven High command, worth the 50ish skaven casualties to get them! The game was still won so alls well that ends well, I suppose.
Lesson learned : Exploding Screaming Bells are fun and in no way should restraint be exercised whilst using them!

 Tyrion's Get Out of Jail Free Card
Another game with Matt, Skaven Vs Empire with some high elf allies, namely Tyrion in a bloody big unit of Dragon Princes. The scene; First turn, I ring the Screaming Bell (this is definately my favourite Skaven toy) and the result was all cavalry models make a panic test, and with Tyrion's Ld of 10 it didn't seem like a big problem. WRONG! Tyrion did me the singular honour of failing his panic test and flee to within 2" of the table edge (woop! woop!)! On to the magic phase and I got the then eqivalent of Irristable Force, Total Power ! The spell Skitterleap was duely cast but in a moment of total brainfart I put a Skaven Assasin in combat with a wizard rather than Tyrion's 800+ point unit and thusly destroying them. The most irksome aspect of this mistake was that Tyrion rallied and helped Matt to get his first ever victory against me and then lose my 14 game winning streak. If I had wiped out the High Elf unit the my victory points would've shat all over Matts.
Lesson learned: Even if you have to write it down to remember, if you can wipe out nearly a grands worth of points for a little spell do it, before you think of a 'better' target!


Verminlord the Happy Woodcutter
This was not so much tactical ineptitude (of which I seem to have plenty) more a serious case of diceclap. This was one of last games of good old 3rd Edition warhammer and once again I was battling with Matt. My Skaven Vs my Wood Elves, I was Skaven and Matt was the opposite of Skaven. The game was going as usual with casualties leaving the table at regular intervals, both sides taking and giving death, it was all going swimmingly. Then we came to a not insignificant close combat between and Verminlord (hard as fupp!) and a Treeman (not so much). Two rounds of combat saw the rather unpleasant demise of the Treeman, and his (or her) collapse. Back then there was an interesting rule that when a Treeman dies in CC then he can topple over and possibly crush anyone dopey enough to not step out of the way and generally much hilarity ensues. Yes, the Treeman dutifully fell in the exact direction that the Verminlord was standing - presumably rubbing his chin thoughtfully selecting his next diabolic plan - so a simple I test will let him nimbly dodge out of the way then cackle maniacally saying something really evil and cool like "Bazinga!". But no, the I test was failed and I had to witness my 600 point deathmachine get flattened by a 280 point tree, he himself chopped down. The icing on this particular cake was after checking the rulebook it turned out the VL was killed, not wounded I might add! The mental image of this scene still makes me (and moreso Matt) chuckle whenever we reminisce about old games. This was the point I should have conceeded the game as the Dice Gods were very obviously mocking me, but I stubbornly played on to earn a closely fought defeat (the width of a Verminlord I think).
Lesson learned: In some games, defeat is inevitable, even with a superior army, tactics and manouvering, the game is lost by those bloody six-sided buggers that I spend so much time rolling, rolling, rolling!

Well there are a few of the incidents that make this hobby so entertaining, frustrating and ROFLing, I hope you found them interesting if not tactically insightful. So here's to my next series of tactical debacles coming to a gaming table soon!

Warhammer Weekend (Wood Elf Vs Skaven).

Well I finally got round to playing a game of Warhammer. It was to be Boy!s first game so I decided to make it a 'proper' game, so I decided that we would only use painted figures. Not that big a thing really, I thought, after all I've been painting and playing for 20 years now, I'd have a wealth of things to choose from.  Well surprisingly, no. I have over 200 skaven painted and nearly 100 Wood Elves but as previous blogs have noted, I have a very ecclectic painting schedule, hence for my skaven army, no jezzails (I've only got two finished), no Screaming Bell (it's being repainted), no Doomwheel (again repainted) and none of the really snazzy new stuff from the latest army book - no Warp Cannons, Doom Flayer, Plague Furnace or Poison Wind Globe Mortar. The Wood Elves were hit even worse! I only managed to field 24 Glade Guard and only 14 Wardancers. No Waywatchers, Glade Riders, Treekin or Wild Riders. So after some calculations I worked out 2000 points was the size of battle and the army lists were to be written. As Boy! had no idea what a game of Warhammer entailed (and I didn't know which army he'd pick) two army lists were written by me and he just had to pick the army he liked the look of.

The Forces of Bad

The Flea-Bitten Horde
 Warlord (I didn't bother to name him): Blade of Nurglitch, Heavy Armour, Cowardly Disposition. 100points.

Warlock Engineer (Unnamed, but probably something like Squit Manktail): 3 Warpstone Tokens, 
Spells: Death Frenzy, Skitterleap. 130 points.

Cheiftan Battle Standard Bearer (I'd imagine I'd have called him Shart Poxknee): Heavy Armour, Banner of the Under Empire, The Musk of Fear. 95 points.

Assasin (if I didn't name those above I'm certainly not going to name him): Warpstone Throwing Stars. 170 points.

40 Clanrats with spears, musician, standard bearer and Clawleader. 220 points
Warpfire Thrower. 70 points.

40 Slaves with musician and Pawleader. 86 points.

24 Giants Rats with 5 Packmasters. 112 points.

6 Rat Ogres with 3 Packmasters. 258 points.

15 Gutter Runners with Poisoned Weapons and a Deathrunner. 256 points.

30 Stormvermin with musician, standard bearer and Fangleader. 235 points.
Warpfire Thrower. 70 points.

20 Clanrats with light armour, shield, musician, standard bearer and Clawleader. 110 points.
Warpfire Thrower. 70 points.

Grand Total: 2000 points (Give or Take).

The Forces of Goodness(ish)

The Tree Hugging Collective

Wood Elf Highborn: Eternal Kindred, Bow of Loren, light armour, shield, faint whiff of roses. 196 points.

Spellweaver Level 4 mage: Dispel Scroll, Power Stone, Talisman of Protection, Longbow.
Spells: Tree Singing, Fury Of The Forest, Ariel's Blessing, The Twilight Host. 315 points.

25 Eternal Guard with musician, standard bearer and Guardian. 352 points.


17 Dryads with Branch Nymph. 238 points.

16 Glade Guard with Lord's Bowman. 240 points.

8 Glade Guard with Lord's Bowman. 108 points.

14 Wardancers with Bladesinger. 266 points

Treeman with woodworm. 285 points.


The Battle

Boy! decided he wanted the skaven army, I can't blame him when I set the two armies up next to each other
 the Skaven looked a lot more impressive, 175+ models against 82(ish). I suggested he group them all fairly close together as wood Elves don't have artillery. I on the other hand spread my archers out to maximise shooting with my Eternal Guard behind the smaller unit of Glade Guard. My Dryads, Treeman and Wardancers were hidden behind a wood with the intent of scooting round and  presenting a very hard hitting flank force. In truth as both armies weren't at max strength i.e. lack of jezzails and flying creatures the battle wouldn't be truly representational, but as I said, painted only!

Ratty Goodness!

 The first turn started with Boy!'s Skaven running like buggery across the battlefield, I was dissappointed to lose the first turn as I had hoped to run my treeman into the woods, Tree Sing the shit out of the woods allowing me to charge my second turn and really disrupt the skaven lines, but to no avail. In fact due to the Giant Rats marching they were only  and inch or two from the wood making moving it a largely pointless prospect. The was no Skaven shooting and no magic this turn.

Tactical Error No1: It was only after my movement phase started that I realised that I had stupidly placed my Eternal Guard Unit behind my Glade Guard Unit meaning that only with two crap looking wheeling manoeuvres could I get my best shooter with his Bow Of Loren to fire. D'oh! compounding that I couldn't target the giant rats either it was a rather rookie mistake.So the upshot of my first turns offensive magic and shooting 5 giant rats, 5 Skavenslaves and 2 Gutter Runners.

A Rats-eye view!

Tactical Error No2 The next turn was a lining up by the Skaven with the only offensive action was Death Frenzy being cast on the soon-to-be-charged-by-the-Treeman Giant Rats. I let it go as I thought to myself, they're fucked. My turn consisted of a Treeman charge into the rats, some more shooting and my units of Wardancers and Dryads mooching through the wood to support the Treeman (not that he would need it). The Treeman promptly charged and failed to break the rats in one go, partly due to their immunity to pyschology I bet.

A blurry picture!

Carnage!

Turn three was when I realised the Dice Gods had decided that the luck was only going to one person at the table and it wasn't me! Shooting saw a Warpfire Thrower toast 10 Eternal Guard. The Gutter Runners danced through a storm of arrows into a Glade Guard unit and the Skaven Assasin Skitterleaped behind my archers for a big old portion of stabby in the next turn. The final nail in this turns particular coffin was my treemans inability to hit the rats whereas the frenzied rats caused on wound on him. One failed break test later the Treeman flees like goblin into the woods!

The treeman legs it!

My turn came and I thought it was payback time! I charged into a big block of spear armed Clanrats with my much depleted Eternal Guard whilst simultaneously flank charging them with my Dryads. The Wardancers charged the Giant Rats with the generals unit  a few inches behind so with luck a swift bit of choppy and I'd overrun into them! Predictably the Clanrats were on the end of a -5 break test and subsequently fled. The stupid slack jawed Dryads failed to catch them but my 10 strong unit of Eternal guard did and ploughed straight into the flank of the Rat Ogres! The Wardancer/Giant Rats tete a tete went pretty much how I expected with a total wipeout. I thought a nice overrun into the generals unit and the game is won! They were 4 inches away I rolled a 1 and a 2 ! Not good.

The final turn ended in 20 Clanrats routing a unit of Glade Guard the Gutter Runners and Assasin wiping out the other unit of archers and my Eternal Guard effectively locked into combat with the Rat Ogres. As for the Wardancers they were charged, defeated and slaughtered in short order. This resulted in a defeat for the Wood Elves which did not truly reflect my own ineptitude at my first game of Warhammer for over 2 years.

Release at will!

Score: Skaven 789 Wood Elves 600.


My main objective for the game was to get back into the swing of it and more importantly for Boy! to enjoy it. Both objectives were met and i learned a few things about both armies:
1) Big units of skirmishing Wardancers and Dryads are too big and ungainly, stick to 8-10 models.
2)The Lore of Athel Loren is pants.
3)Putting a wizard in the front rank of your top combat unit is the work of a nonce!
4)If you give someone the Bow of Loren make sure he can shoot the bloody thing!
5)Death Frenzy makes Giant Rats very nasty.
6)I already knew this one but you just can't trust dice, they hate me!

So hopefully I can get my painting hat on and crack on with my plan to field two tasty Warhammer armies so I can actually gain some tactical acumen. Until next time.....

I've Got Wood!

Yes another innuendo rich title. This time it is totally true! I have got wood! I am excited about it too! Here is the picture to proove it!

Wood!

Yes it's been a long time coming but I have finally compleated some woodland scenery for my Wood Elves. For the first 10 years of my gaming life woods consisted of one block of wood with a dozen dowels in it covered with ripped up lumps of upholstery foam painted green (thanks Brendan). The next ten consisted of the trees you see before you blur tacked to the game board. Now we have hardboard with shaper polystyrene and ebay bought trees all nicely flocked. If you look closely you will see on some the edges the flock just hasn't taken that well, so I will be PVAing the shit out of them this week.
On the painting table this week (and probably for the next 6-8 if I'm honest) is/are/am 3 jezzail teams, a ratling cannon, 10 Wood Elf scouts, three skaven slaves with farmyard implements and a giant rat on a raised base which I intend to make it look like a pile of crap (garbage to any U.S readers). That and of course an old Imperial Assasin, 5 law enforcers from Black Tree Design, my mutant collection and 5 old, old chaos hounds that will be used as Scavvy hounds.
Tune in next week to see whether any of these models get any further on in their quest for tabletop fame!

Bare Breasted Barbarian Buxom Beauties!

 My first blog of the year was all very well intentioned, it was supposed to be about what I planned to do with my vast selection of unpainted models, how I was going to come up with some disgracefully unbeatable army lists, build epic scenery that would put Warhammer World to shame and stuff like that. Then I started looking over my meagre viewing stats and came to the following conclusion, if you put tits (or some derivative name for tits) in your blog title then you get more views. My most viewed post 'Mutated Tits Out For The Lads' is proof. Some of the search words used to find my post were 'mutated tits', 'fat hairy tits' and 'mutant tits'. I'll be honest the sort of person who does put that in their search , probably isn't looking for converted 40K miniatures but rather something altogether less pleasant.
Anyway all this digression leads me away from the real subject of this post, some old School Barbarian Ladies from the 1980's that I painted up a long time ago but still quite like.

Behold: Jubblies!

'Oh No! My wizardy robes have come undone just as I was about to fireball the shit out of you!'

This is an old Citadel wizard that I have used mainly for roleplaying purposes but made it on to a few battlefields where magical ability took precedent over common decency.

Very pert Executioner type Barbarian and Peek-a-Boo Sally

The next two are nice characterful topless Barbarians, the one on the right is from Citadel, the one on the left is from Black Tree Designs, but when I bought it they were called Icon , I think. The most remarkable thing about this model is she is wearing a mask to pressumably cover up her hideousness but at the same time show off her impossibly pert norks. Women, eh?

Two Buxom Bare Breasted Barbarian Beauties

 Lastly are another two Citadel barbarian girls, the one on the left almost seems transgendered judging by her mannish face whereas the other is considerable  more feminine. I always feel that they are best suited to dungeon crawls as NPC's. The sort of plot devices that have managed to escape from their cells by outwitting the imbecillic guard, stolen his weapons but decided that there simply isn't enough time to put some clothes on.

The cheeky rear view.

I don't really buy half naked female models anymore, which is unfortunate as they are much fitter these days, but I thought I'd like to share these anyway as models like this just don't get the publicity they deserve!